QUICK SHOTS: Crown Vic 2 by Lee Goldberg

I was eagerly awaiting a package from Amazon the other night, Jason Striker Martial Arts Series Volume 3: Amazon Slaughter and Curse of the Ninja by Piers Anthony and Roberto Fuentes, if you must know. That's a real inside baseball book, because I bought it simply to read the extra materials, magazine articles that appeared in Marvel's The Deadly Hands of Kung-Fu magazine, short stories and other paperback pitches. That's the kind of book-geek I am. 

When it did arrive, there were two packages and inside one was a surprise copy of Lee Goldberg's latest book, Crown Vic 2. I didn't order it and I've done a little work for Lee, writing the afterward for Jon Messmann's A Bullet for the Bride (where apparently, I misspelled the hero's name several times, according to the Glorious Trash blog. I'm going to blame autocorrect. But I've never said I was good at this) and have occasionally received other surprise books to review. I say that to be transparent, I didn't buy this one, but I was going to.

Because Lee can write. I've long been a fan of his work, having stumbling onto The Man with the Iron-On Badge on a teenage trip to the library. When I started to get into Men's Adventure fiction, discovering Lee wrote the .357 Vigilante books made them an instant purchase. I also particularly fond of his Ian Ludlow series. Oh, and The Dead Man. Can you tell I'm a fan? I hadn't picked up the first Crown Vic but immediately ordered it after finishing the second. 

Besides there's another thing that makes me interested in the Ray Boyd books: I drive an old Crown Victoria Police Interceptor. I've driven a couple of them. My first was white with the side-light and push bar. My current is some sort of metallic dusty gray with roll-bar and the glass cage in the back. It gives my passengers the thrill of being a criminal without the consequences. They are the last true American sedan. Powerful, roomy and extra-large all around. Kinda like me. 

So, Ray was a man after my own heart. 

Crown Vic 2 is a quick tale that packs a lot of punch. Boyd is off to hunt down some diamonds stolen by an old man who he was in prison with. He does this at first with bagels and games of Battleship and then by harsher means. Then throw it some naughty mischief he gets himself into at his motel and Boyd's got his hands full. Boyd's a right bastard in the best way but still slyly humorous and, uh, sexually adventurous. Early on there's a nod to Jack Reacher, a character Boyd could easily be compared to (like all modern book-heroes, at least on their covers) but Boyd's grittier and frankly cooler. The tale moves along nice and easy, twists and turns and ends up a little bloody. What more could you want?

The only problem with this one is that it's simply too short. I wanted more Ray Boyd. It's a wonderful throwback tough guy Men's Adventure series but thoroughly modern at the same time. You can just imagine a slightly more PG-13 version of this tale being the headliner in an issue of Mike Shayne Mystery Magazine. I hope Lee keeps writing 'em cause I'll keep readin' 'em.

My book, GUNPOWDER BREATH is OUT and available on Amazon!
Check it out!

QUICK SHOTS: Predator by Dick (Steve Perry) Flint

Before the pulps, there were the Dime Novels, cheap disposable bawdy tales of western heroes, detective tales and more. They were basically ground zero for the fiction that I review here. Obviously, time passes and things change, interests move to radio, movies, TV and now the cesspool that is the internet. Reading changed, dime novels turned into pulps, pulps to paperback and paperback to eBook. Except...in 1990 when the Dime Novel came back. Sorta.

Randy Byrd was an entrepreneur and former pizza parlor owner. He had an idea to crack into the impulse-purchase market for reading materials. Watch out Archie. He created a new format for Dime Novels. They were small paperbacks, roughly the size of a cassette tape, which was the style at the time, and selling them cheap. He set out with a line-up of books, all marked with their genre, including westerns, mysteries, horror, science fiction, fantasy, adventure, thrillers and five types of romance: historical, sensual, glitz, suspense and sweet or traditional romance. It was a grand idea, that like a lot of grand ideas sorta fizzled out and was mostly forgotten. 

Theres a few titles in the Dime Novels range that appeal the bloody, spicy reader. High Hat and Dead Ringer by Greg Mandel, one a private eye tale with The Pope as the detective, the other with Elvis. One of the others is Predator (not the monster) by Dick Flint. Dick Flint is not really a cartoon character (see photo) but noted science-fiction author Steve Perry. Perry has written Star Wars novels, Indiana Jones novels, Aliens novels, Tom Clancy's NetForce, and his own Matador series. He's also written Predator (the monster) novels. And a lot of the cartoons I watched as a kid (and some as an adult) The Real Ghostbusters, Batman: The Animated Series, Godzilla: The Series and a Conan cartoon. He even wrote the novelization to the Jim Carrey movie, The Mask. That's a fine career. 

For Dime Novels, Perry also wrote the Fantasy entry, The Hero's Curse under his own name. But what about Predator? Well, imagine a Hard-R version of Pheonix Force or Able Team meets Knight Rider but on a boat. There's a tough team of commandos who work a shadowy organization with a big checkbook that has given them The Predator, which is the name of the boat. It's got big 'ol guns, top-of-the-line-90s-computers, and colorful crew members. There's an Australian, and a professor and the tough commander. Throw in a lovely female undercover agent who's topless a lot and then send them out to hunt down Viper who's dealing drugs or maybe something worse. 

Like Able Team, each team member has their quirks, one doesn't carry a gun only throwing knives, one's a nerd, one loves the boat engine, etc. etc. The female undercover agent is pretty competent, even though she used to be a stripper and also lead the story gratuitous nudity. The villain is right evil and has a back-story with the hero. Perry really crams a lot of stuff it in the tiny book. It's basically a short story and yet there's multiple gunfights and sneaky around and witty banter. It feels like a really good R-Rated episode of an 80s action TV show like the A-Team or the aforementioned Knight Rider. So, right up my alley.

I enjoyed it immensely. I really wish there was more short-Men's Adventure fiction. It's a nice palate cleanser between novels. I enjoyed Perry's writing style and will have to add him to the ever-growing list of authors to check out thoroughly. The Dime Novels experiment is really cool; it's a forefather to Kindle's Short Reads or Rapid Read novels or the various attempts to get people to read via low page count. I don't know how well it works either. Nowadays the various Dime Novel titles are sorta hard to track down, they must have had low-print runs. High Hat by Greg Mandell is available as a new paperback and eBook, but I don't think any of the rest are. Shame. 

And once again, my first novel Gunpowder Breath by Kilroy is available on Amazon as an eBook. The print version is coming soon. I'm low in the algorithm, but I've found typing "Gunpowder Breath kindle" makes it pop up every time. It's a 5-Star book at the moment (thanks, mom!) so be sure to check it out. Here's the awesome cover drawn by my incredible wife! 

 

QUICK SHOTS: Hitman #4: They're Coming to Kill You, Jane by Kirby (Kin Platt) Carr

 

You know a book is going to be good when the title is so long it has a comma in it. All these Hitman books by Kin Platt have ridiculous titles. Like You Die Next, Jill Baby or Don't Bet on Living, Alice. Commas too. I assume to let you know that Platt's tongue planted firmly in his cheek. If I'd have to bet these books were written fast (like too fast) and straight for the money. He was writing for Major and Manor books and Platt had some pedigree (mostly in children's books) so I'm sure he viewed these books as a place to play around.

I've written about Platt before; he's an interesting writer who wrote pretty much everything. Pulps, comics, animated TV, mysteries, children's books and, of course, smut. At the same time, he was cranking out The Hitman books, he also was writing a pretty fun private eye series starring Max Roper, that would be of interest to people who read my ramblings. 

Mike "Hitman" Ross is back...for like half the book as per usual and with the rest of the book we hang out with the weirdos and the bad guys. A mobster named Scorpio (not Hank Scorpio from The Simpsons, sadly) who is blackmailing rich dicks with a youth potion that he got in exotic Asia. Ross is lurking around and killing as many dudes as he can to avenge the death of...Betty. There's a Jane in the book though I swear. Ross is a Batman/Punisher hybrid with a black nylon suit with a cowl, tons of guns and a cool combat van. I don't think we wears a hockey mask like he is portrayed on the covers, but the writing is sorta sloppy enough I could have missed it. In this one there's some light brainwashing, tons of goofy "tough guy talk," plenty of shootin' and a-fightin' and some terrible racial stereotypes. It's also clear that as some point Platt realized he had written too much back-story and stuff that he was rapidly approaching his word count that he wraps it all up rather abruptly and Hitman sorta sits out his big action climax. Bummer, I know Hitman likes murdering. 

All that makes it sound like I didn't care of this book. I did. For some reason this series is one of my favorite Men's Adventure series, its simply too far out and messy for me not to like. I also LOVE the whole comic booky-set-up and all the ripped from the tabloid-kooky directions its takes. There also have a couple of covers that are just pure awesomeness. And Platt can write and there's always really good stuff in these books, which makes it a shame that they are so hard to track down these days and I'm sure no-one is clamoring to put them out as eBooks.

...speaking of eBooks my first novel, Gunpowder Breath is officially available here on Amazon. It's an action packed (actually its ALL ACTION) tale of a mercenary trying live through a weekend packed full of gunfights.  

Gunpowder Breath by Kilroy

Well, it's really happening! After a tease a while back (long while) my first novel Gunpowder Breath should be on Amazon as an eBook next week at the latest! The print version will follow along shortly. I'll keep you posted here and, on my Instagram, for when it's actually available.

So, what's it all about you ask?

One Friday, Dick Mulligan, a mercenary on the ropes suddenly finds himself the target of a powerful Russian mobster after a drug deal gone south. With wave upon wave of killers after him Mulligan has to figure out why this mobster wants him dead and live through three incredible gunfights through a hellish weekend of booze, bullets, drugs, grenades, and punches as he tries to get to Monday alive.

A gonzo homage to 90s direct-to-video action movies and Men’s Adventure paperbacks. GUNPOWDER BREATH is a funny, rollicking short novel with too many guns, too many bad guys, too much ACTION!

Just how many people can Dick shoot in a weekend?

Writing this book has been a long time coming, it took years of reading and writing bad stuff to hopefully write this good stuff. The book is also packed with EXTRAS, Dick's personal reading list and some movie recommendations as well. And in the print version a SHORT STORY entitled Mid-Morning of the Kickfighter. This is hopefully the first of many books from me, providing that anyone actually likes it. 

Thanks everyone for reading this non-book review post and yes, I'll get better at reviewing again, look for a new one soon!

The Beginning of the Illuminatus...

I'm always very interested in the beginning of things, or even before the beginning. The rough versions of what would later bring them success (or not), the strange hang-ups the flow and morph until it becomes the best version of whatever said writer's main idea is. It took several almost Saint's before Leslie Charteris settled down on the saint. Lester (Kenneth Robeson) Dent toiled with several pulp characters with Doc Savage-like traits before he mashed them all together to flesh out the Man of Bronze. Even 'ol Travis McGee had firm roots in the other Florida crime novels of John D. MacDonald (especially Jimmy Wing in A Flash of Green) and though I've never tracked them down, the, uh, adult novels that Don Pendleton wrote about Stewart Mann are said to have some of that Mack Bolan flavor. 

Speaking of smut books. Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea, both formally of Playboy magazine, had written the Illuminatus. That sprawling, wild-ass tale of conspiracy theories, golden submarines and Old Gods but unsurprisingly it took a while for it to get published. In the meantime, Wilson got The Sex Magicians published from the California Porn publisher Sheffield House, which specialized in gay porn books. The general idea is that some of the stuff from the Illuminatus books kinda migrated over to The Sex Magicians. Obviously, the book didn't set the world on fire but did become a cult classic within the Illuminatus fans and eventually became a sought after and very expensive paperback. I'm sure more people have read the transcript version that has been floating around the internet since dial-up, don't worry Wilson thought it was cool to pirate this book.

Years ago, when I was a far too young and dumb kid, I read the first Illuminatus book The Eye in the Pyramid when I ran into the full set of the 70s Dell paperbacks. I bought it on the groovy covers and the whole intriguing world. I knew nothing about them before that used bookstore trip and I didn't think I knew anymore after the I read the first one. Again, young and dumb. Or maybe that was the right time, and I should have read them all in a white-hot reading session. Such is life. I didn't get them at the time, but the book stuck in my mind's craw, and I eventually began diving in and learning more. And in reading more hippy-dippy sci-fi and Men's Adventure of the time, certain things kept popping up that were also in the Illuminatus. Hasan-i Sabbah, the old man of the mountain and the father of assassins, appeared in Michael Kurland's Mission: Tank War, things like that. I also fell down a rabbit-hole recently involving The Church of the Sub-Genius, the half real /half big joke religion which counts The Illuminatus as a major influence. It's time to read them all. So, I decided to warm up to it and start with The Sex Magicians.

I've read a fair amount of these smutty books, usually because the author later became famous. Lawrence Block and Donald Westlake come to mind. Bob Trailins, George H. Smith and Ennis Willie also come to mind, as well as Jack Lynn's Tokey Wedge. But I've also dabbled in Clyde Allison's 0008 books and The Man from CAMP by Victor Banis. So, I know my way around this kind of adult entertainment. At best they are examples of hungry young writers plying the craft for cash on the barrel head, at worst it's the lowest kind of hack work. I've never come across a middle of the road one. The one thing most of these books have in common is that the sex scenes are rather quaint, and minor compared to today's smut.

Not The Sex Magicians.

Boy howdy this is a smutty book. Hitting a lot of taboos and engaging in LONG scenes of graphic sex. It's still a little goofy, but I think it was always supposed to be goofy. Wilson wasn't a super serious guy in his writing. The put-on is part of it, but so is the serious parts. The Sex Magicians is about Dr. Prong, Josie, Tarantella, Josh Dill, and Markoff Chaney (who returns for the Illuminatus books) among others in Chicago tied up with MAJOR VIBES that are making the city get DOWN. From the Orgasm Research Insitute and the Illuminati to the Hugh Hefner-like Pussycat Magazine, the plot runs along with a lot to say in-between all the sex. There's a little satire, a little history, a little taste of practical sexual magic and a lot of whacky situations. It's a little like one of those Ted Mark Man from ORGY books cranked to 11 and spun around on its head and also, uh, good. But mostly a lot cooler, man.

Usually with the smutty books, I sort of skip over the sex scenes. They are rarely titillating and really don't have anything to do with the rest of the book. But the sex scenes here are INTEGERAL to the plot. It's the whole point. That being said, I still think Wilson really gets going when in-between the sex stuff. When he's laying out his ideas on sex magic, old assassins, the Bavarian Illuminati and joking. There are wonderful nods to the likes of The Shadow (Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?), King Kong and Frankenstein. All that being said, he certainly didn't phone in the sex scenes. Whoa, they get CRAZY. But enough fun to keep going. Not to mention that theory that the book was published as some sort of sex magic itself to get The Illuminatus published.

I know the Illuminatus books don't have as much of the dirty stuff, which was honestly the part I liked the least. There was so much that it was desensitizing, so I'm good to go down my path of tackling the series. I'm glad I read this one though, it was out there and fun and I needed a wild and crazy shake up for my reading. It's widely available as a PDF on the internet, but I actually bought the fairly new republished (for the first time ever) from Hilaritas Press, which specializes it out-there books. I'm glad it's been reprinted for future weirdos, like me.